I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She even gives head with a lisp.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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