That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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