Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
