You made me cry and you don't even care
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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