nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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