11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
