There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
