he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
