did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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