You surviving the open bar?
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M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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