pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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