so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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