you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
