**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
