Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I faked an abortion last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
