its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
