No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
