I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
