started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
