I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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