It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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