It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
