you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
