I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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