Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
