At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
