Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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