and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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