You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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