Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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