I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
