Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
