I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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