And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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