yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
