it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
