Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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