but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
