what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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