Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.