So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.