I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow