she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up