my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?