bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn