He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor