I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?