i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
