So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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