Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
