you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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