I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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