Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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