I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
