Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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