need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
