"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
