if i can run in heels then i can drive
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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