Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
my liver is dry heaving
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
