So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
