ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize