garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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