I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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