It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
