He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
