I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
