areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
