do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
