I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
