i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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