The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
then he tried to convert me to islam
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
