White coat. Heels.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
