Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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