I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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