The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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