So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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