so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
