The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
