I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
