Where is the hickey?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
