A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
