my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A+ Viking dick
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